As “The Joker” once said, “Why so serious?”
I think it’s time to have a little fun on this April Fools Day and I’m the one providing all of the jokes. Therefore, here’s my list of “April Fools Gags” you know you want to see.
Major League Baseball
Justin Verlander finally kicks Kate Upton to the curb. He goes 35-2, wins the Cy Young, AL MVP and pitches all four games in a World Series sweep over the LA Dodgers.
Clayton Kershaw takes another line drive to the jaw. This time all of his teeth are knocked out and he returns to the dugout looking like “Jaws” from the James Bond movies.
The Chicago Cubs steamroll the competition and take the National League Central by 18 games. They go undefeated through the divisional round and NLCS and lead the Red Sox 3-0 in the World Series when Boston decides to just give up giving the Cubs the title.
National Football League
The New England Patriots are stripped of their Super Bowl XLIX title after the NFL finds Tom Brady deflated all of the balls personally.
Rodger Goodell resigns citing his total inability to actually make a decision.
Jerry Jones has more plastic surgery. Wait….
Jay Cutler takes his internet image of “Smokin’ Jay Cutler” to a new level when he lights up a Marlboro in the huddle of a four interception first half against the Packers.
Philip Rivers has seven more children bringing his family’s total to 14 kids.
Arizona Head Coach Bruce Arians decides he no longer likes his Kangol and switches to a bucket-style hat.
Marshawn Lynch publishes a book on how to deal with the media in ten words or less. It becomes a best seller and wins numerous awards despite being one page in length.
National Basketball Association
Phil Jackson becomes coach of the Knicks. They go unbeaten in the 2015 calendar year despite only having three players on their roster.
Rajon Rondo and Coach Rick Carlisle spend the summer backpacking across Europe together.
The Lakers re-structure Kobe Bryant’s contract. He will now make $75 million this season.
Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili return for another season using walkers with tennis balls on the bottom of them.
Derrick Rose plays all 82 games of the season.
Lance Stephenson blows into the ear of Marcus Smart and gets punch in the groin.
LeBron James takes his talents back to Miami after losing in the Finals again with Cleveland. Cavs’ fans box up jerseys rather than burning them knowing he’ll be back after a couple more titles.
Michigan will insist that Jim Harbaugh wears Adidas brand khaki pants. Harbaugh refuses instead choosing to stay with $9 Wal-Mart pants as Michigan goes unbeaten.
Nick Saban leaves just prior to the season to take over at Notre Dame after they fire Brian Kelly. Notre Dame pays Saban $15 million per year and tells him most of the players “aren’t catholic.”
Lane Kiffin takes over at Alabama. He’s run out of town after team loses home finale to Charleston Southern.
Florida State Head Coach Jimbo Fisher resigns. Becomes Jameis Winston’s personal man servant in Tampa Bay.
With all three quarterbacks healthy, Urban Meyer decides to go with true freshman equipment manager to play entire Spring game. All three QBs hurt anyway as they trip over their headphone cords.